It’s 2017, and I guess I have the New Year blues. I have a lingering cough and low energy, and I’m not that excited about the future right now, despite my resolve back in December to use the disastrous presidential election as a motivating force to actively engage rather than fall into a passive blob of despair. Instead of feeling angry and ready to be a force for change, I want to crawl back into bed and play mindless computer games on my phone.
I feel even small burdens as heavy, and I have much to do. Yes, I’ve had some time off from my two jobs at school, which has been nice. But I’ve spent part of it catching up on my third job, part of it preparing for the big office-to-bedroom move, and the rest of it being sick.
No, that’s not entirely true; I had some wonderful periods in this two-week stretch as well. Opening stockings and eating crepes with my husband and daughter on Christmas morning was perfect. Having a lengthy long-distance conversation with my sister, Cherri, that same afternoon was wonderful. Spending Christmas evening with Dave’s sister, Caroline, and her family, playing games and drinking egg nog—that was nice. We had fun with friends on New Year’s Eve and the following night as well. And, of course, we have a foster puppy in the house that never allows us to get too down or serious, even though she’s not yet house-trained, which detracts from her cuteness only slightly.
But I’m tired. And there’s so much I’m supposed to get done now. I need to go grocery shopping, do the laundry, figure out which parents owe money to the extended care program that I direct, and plan a nice birthday dinner for my only child, who is turning 24 tomorrow.
Tomorrow I go back to subbing in 5th grade in the morning and directing the after-school program in the afternoon, while still needing to make progress on the copy-editing job I’ve taken on that’s due in two weeks.
And as silly as it may sound, I think what weighs heaviest on me at this moment is the fact that I did not succeed in my goal of walking all the paths of Berkeley in 2016. I have four to go and 2016 is over. Since I didn’t make my goal in time anyway, do I wait until I feel better? Or do I take advantage of the break in rain to go out and do it despite the multitude of projects still pending? And when will I make it to Pegasus’s annual calendar sale? That’s a tradition that I don’t want to ignore; it always refreshes me, gets me to create new goals, urges me to organize and plan in ways that only a new calendar can do.
I hate to approach 2017 with a whimper rather than a bang. I think going back to school will help. There’s no time there to feel sorry for myself, and being around kids forces me to be in the present. Besides, I got a Fitbit for Christmas, so I have to stay physically active, right?
Here I come, 2017, whether I want to or not.